Once in a blue moon...

It was finally there, I couldn't be happier.

The world to my feet, he left it there for me to take it. His world to my feet.

And I wanted it so badly, I wanted him since the first time I saw him. His dark hair, straight, brilliant. The unconscious gracefulness, the flawless and delicate features. The calm voice, the spectacular attitude.

He was everything I've dreamed off, and so he became.

It was hard for me at first. It felt so uneven, so unlogical for him to love me. But there he was, with the accidental -yet perfect- yellow roses bouquet, introducing me to his guitars, carrying me wrapped to his body all around his home, showing to me all of his memories.

And I loved him back as intensely as he did, maybe even more. I was absolutely and indefectibly in love with his brown eyes and his scented skin that it almost hurt. And I gave him everything I was, and let him shape my untouched and untarnished heart at his will, with no objections whatsoever.

I surrendered to him. Because every touch and every smile was worth it, no matter the consequences, no matter the suffering I already knew I was about to endure.

The pain we were both to endure, in diferent timings perhaps, but the same suffering at last.

And he warned from the very beginning, he advised me to fear him, to be afraid of May.

So May came, and I finally discovered that I had to give up, he forced me to do it. He once swore that he would always be there. That he wouldn't give up on me, but he did. He gave up when I needed him the most. When I needed him more that I ever had, only because I was about to loose him, to endure an existence that I was afraid to discover.

I uncovered it. He taught me how to love intensely, and how to grieve even more intensely.

Because once he was gone, "it was like a huge hole had been punched through my chest" and my pain was the only reminder that he was real. That he did love me, despite of everything.

Nothing I could possibly do could ease the pain, could take it away. I passed almost a year limited to exist, perfecting the charade that I still had some humanity left.

Three years later and it wasn't possible for me to stop thinking about him daily. I decided to forget. I decided to forgive.

Forgiveness finally healed the huge hole.

Thankfully, I started loving him again.